Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Midweek Excerpt

In an effort to keep Light Bringers fresh in my mind without over-editing, I’ve decided to post an excerpt every Wednesday. I’m not sure how well the Interview with a Venator went over, but it really helped me know my characters better. It was a good exercise and I still plan to post the remaining three on the next few Fridays.

The weekly excerpts will be roughly 300 words and hopefully give a glimpse of the characters and plot. This week’s scene is from chapter one. Ryan has been hurt at work and has come to his parent’s house so his best friend, Kalie, can heal him. Kalie lives with Ryan's parents because they took her in when she was five.


“I’m gonna be sick.” Ryan pushed away from the table.

Before he could rush to the sink Kalie yanked up his shirt and slapped her hand on his stomach. White Light covered her hand like a soft glove. She closed her eyes as a thin sheen of sweat broke out over her face. The need to vomit left Ryan almost instantly. He watched Kalie’s color fade from golden-brown to chalky and greenish.

She pulled her hand away and rushed to the sink. When she turned on the water Ryan thought she was going to be sick. Instead, she cupped her left hand under the flow, letting the water run over it for a minute. Her skin gradually regained its healthy luster until she looked as if none of it had happened. She shook away the excess water, shut off the faucet and turned to Ryan.

“Sit,” she said again, just as calmly as before. “You probably have a concussion.”

Kalie placed her right hand over his forehead and white Light poured from her palm and fingertips like steady rain. This was different than the glowing glove that covered her hand a minute ago. Ryan had to resist the urge to wipe his face as her Light drizzled down on him, but there wasn’t any wetness, just cool tingles.

The emotions pulsing through him felt like nothing he could ever muster on his own. He had the usual physical feelings—the itching and pulling of rapidly healing flesh that tickled his skin. But he also felt love, platonic and strong, at first and it made him smile. Then hot jabs of lust grabbed a hold of his gut, invigorating him, making him want to reach out and touch her. Lately, he felt that stirring more often when she healed him. Ryan shifted uncomfortably in his chair.


Amna said...

I was reading this and I couldn't stop. You got me.

Hook, line and sinker.

Karen Denise said...

Cool! Thanks, glad you enjoyed it.

jessjordan said...

This is the first I've read of your work, so take this as you may:

Definitely an interesting concept. I was a little confused about the light--I guess I wanted the description to slow down a little and tell me more about the light. How was the second go-around different than the glowing white glove?

I was also really confused by this line: "But he also felt love, platonic and strong, at first and it made him smile." ---- The way it's written, it looks like you mean he felt platonic and strong love at first, which made him smile. But from the rest of the paragraph, I gather that it's not platonic at all, at least not anymore.

Definitely interesting, and I'd keep reading.

jessjordan said...

p.s. I'm a little rambly tonight, so hope that made some sense! :)

Karen Denise said...

Thanks for the feedback, Jess! This is the first I've ever posted an excerpt, so don't feel left behind-lol. And this isn't the first 300 pages, it's actually about 12 pages into the novel, so I understand the confusion.

I'll look at the different ways her Light manifests and see where I can make it more descriptive. Thanks.

As for the love...well, he was feeling it platonic and strong at first and then it changed. What is revealed later is that when Kalie heals people, she transfers her feelings for them.(Have I confused you more? lol). So basically, what you'll learn later is that those platonic feelings are coming from Kalie, but also the lust too. She isn't even aware that she wants Ryan and he isn't aware that what he feels when she heals him comes from her.

And don't worry about being rambly, apparently so am I :-)

StrugglingToMakeIt said...

This is so good! Your excerpt definitely leaves me wanting to read on. Good luck querying. I'm looking forward to more excerpts!