Thursday, March 4, 2010

WIP Excerpt

I've been working on a new novel--Platinum Diaries--well, full disclosure, this is what I started during NaNo. So I decided to post an excerpt. This is a first draft, but in this scene Sayra (16 yrs old and has psychic dreams) is upset because her parking space was revoked at school and given to the new kid who has yet to show, three weeks into the school year.
Students filed past me, lingering on the sides of the main steps for the few remaining minutes we had before first period. I stared at the mustard-yellow number nine drawn on the asphalt, taunting me from my coveted parking spot. What would the headmaster do if I just drove my car and parked there? Nothing, right? So I should just do it tomorrow!

“If you stare at that space any harder, it’s going to burst into flames.” Ivan bumped my shoulder.

I spared him a glance. Ivan was tall, skinny and tragically Jewish—his words—and my other best friend. His handsome face was nearly covered by what he liked to call his Jewish afro or Ja-fro. He wore wire-framed glasses and baggy clothes that made him look like a bully’s wet dream.
Without taking my eyes off the vacant parking spot, I handed my diary to Ivan. “Flip to the last entry.”

He groaned as usual about holding the silver book encrusted with crystals that he’d labeled my platinum diary. “Please tell me you finally had a dream about me making out with a hottie?”
“No, and quit asking me that.”

“I’m hoping it’ll seep into your brain like a subliminal message and voilá, you dream of me giving some tongue action to Hillary Teagarden.”

That got my eyes off the parking spot and onto him. “If I ever have that dream I’ll gouge out my mind’s eye with a rusty nail. You can’t seriously want to hook up with her, can you?”

He blushed, making him look like an adorable little boy. “No. I mean, well, why not? I know I’m not a big stupid jock like Tag, but she could like me.”

“That’s not what I meant. She’s not good enough for you. She’s so…she’s just a…” I let out a frustrated breath. “She was probably the muse for Pink when she wrote that song Stupid Girls.”

Ivan laughed. Ugh, what would I do if I dreamed of him with Hillary? Move heaven and earth to see that it never came true, that’s what I’d do. There was someone else who liked him anyway, someone much better. According to my dream he would find out soon. Ivan scanned the page detailing the headmaster’s slip and fall during our lunch period and howled with laughter.

“Oh, today is going to be a beautiful day.”


Tricia J. O'Brien said...

I love these two voices--snappy dialogue, endearing characters, and I want to see more of it. Good job!

Tere Kirkland said...

Ooh, your first person voice here is awesome! Very natural and fresh. (not that your 3rd person writing isn't, I just really like the voice in this snippet)

Sounds like an intriguing premise, too, with the dream diary. Keep up the good work!

Abby Annis said...

Great snippet! Very engaging. Loved the dialogue. And like Tere said, sounds like a very interesting premise. Good job! :)

Bethany Mattingly said...

I liked this excerpt a lot! I hope you keep writing it and *hint, hint* post some more!

Amanda B. said...

I like it.
Nice interaction between the characters. I loved: "...I'll gouge out my mind's eye with a rusty nail." LOL

Jemi Fraser said...

Great characters - we get to know them in such a short space of time :) Nicely written!

Karen Denise said...

Thanks guys! I'm glad you all liked it. I have about 30K written and I think it's going to about 65k or more so I should be finishing up soon! Your comments have stirred up my muse, so THANKS!