THINGS I HATE ABOUT SHOPPING!

1. Shopping—period.

Okay, so I’m not one of those girls who can spend hours in a mall. If you ever want to torture me, forget bamboo shoots under the fingernails just send me to a crowded mall and make me shop for hours. I’ll give up all kinds secrets just to go home. Honestly, all malls aren’t medieval torture devices. I actually like Arundel Mills Mall. They have a gi-normus Books-A-Million and a 24 Theater Cineplex—my two favorite things.

2. Crowds.

I’ve never been one to tolerate a lot of people around me. Well, that’s not exactly true. When I was a teen and going to nightclubs, the more crowded, the better! But when I have to hold my purse like a baby, wait for people to get out of the way so I can get down the isle, or when I have to listen to what you and your boyfriend did last night because you’re WAY too close to me, then I HATE crowds.

3. The Toy Section/Store

What kind of place in hell is this? I mean, I don’t have kids so I don’t frequent the toy store/section. Does it normally look like a herd of buffalo have just stampeded it? Then you have the parents and their big shopping carts blocking the isle, snatching, grabbing, and shoving for those picked over shelves. The funny thing is I went down there to look for a toy for my mother. She loves Elmo and toys with animatronics so I wanted to get her the Elmo Live (the one where he tells jokes like a standup comedian—what can I say, my mother is 10x corny). First it was $60—which made me say, hell-to-the-no—and second, it was dirty and looked like it was on its last leg…ugh! It was the worst. What am I going to do when I have kids?

4. Traffic!

This bugs me at any time, but as someone who has a 7 minute commute to work, I’m not terribly plagued with traffic on a daily basis. I was nearly KILLED in the parking lot of Joann Fabrics. As I was crossing the road to my car, this woman, who had driven past me already, stopped and threw her car in reverse because she saw someone pulling out of a spot. SHE NEVER LOOKED BEHIND HER! I had to leap out of the way or she would’ve run me over!

I know what you’re thinking, Karen, you’re a writer and tend to be a tad dramatic. Nay I say, NAY! I would’ve been a fixture on her bumper if I hadn’t been quick on my feet. There isn’t much that’ll make me resort to violence, but I think about if I had my God children with me, or my mom who isn’t feeble by any means but she’s not so quick on her feet. This backward-driving-looking-forward woman would’ve hit them. I think I might’ve flipped her car over like the Incredible Hulk if that had happened.

Now, all I have to say is BA-HUMBUG!